"Ellie V" And Video Gaming

 

I have such a love/hate relationship with video games, and honestly, it's because I'm a workaholic. 

It used to be that if I didn't write at least 10k publishable words in a week or paint at least two dozen miniatures (or some combination of the two) on top of my full time straight job, I would feel like a failure. I've gotten better at combating this in the last few years. I developed a strong exercise routine that I stick to like a religious ritual. I gave myself permission to play board games again for no other purpose than personal enjoyment. I've learned to let go and I've learned to accept that sometimes there are just "bad" weeks where I don't get any writing or painting done. I'm learning to find peace in unproductive activities and times. Progress isn't perfect (much to the chagrin of my addiction to making progress) but it is steady over time, with ups and downs that are normal. I've learned that taking time to play video games is good for me. Not only do they give me an outlet where I can live an easy fantasy and truly relax, but they're also a powerful weapon in the arsenal I use to combat my eternal battle against dysphoria, and that's where the love comes in. I'm grateful. I'm learning, I'm finding balance and I'm grateful. 

Pic related: it's "Ellie V," my character in my playthrough of Cyberpunk on PS4.